Poetry in Disguise

Ah, the infamous GOP Debate; Your favorite Washington clowns debating a questionable amount of crap in the same room. It's almost like that Simpsons episode where they had all of Homer's stupid relatives trying to prove they might as well sign up for mental retardation.

And while eloquently evoking their empty arguments in such a provocative manner, I've begun to ask myself whether these people actual follow certain guidelines to make their idiocy sound like poetry. Yes, folks, meticulous, vague, ridiculous poetry.

By all means, we all enjoyed the systematic blows Rick Perry received from his fellow Republicans. And the heated encounter between the former and Mitt Romney. And what about the crowd's warm ovation to Ron Paul when he chronicled how he rather let a man die for not paying for medicare? Such an extraordinary amount of passion could only be summoned every three and a half years.

Yet, what I'm trying to achieve with this entry is not to focus on the truthiness of these GOP candidates, but rather on a certain piece of poetry I stumbled upon while browsing the interwebs while having a fancy introduction in the process.

The following was written by Taylor Mali. And it's probably one of the “Holy Grails” of the Internet.

Have a good day you, people. I beg you to enjoy the poem.

How to Write a Political Poem
By Taylor Mali
www.taylormali.com

However it begins, it's gotta be loud
and then it's gotta get a little bit louder.
Because this is how you write a political poem
and how you deliver it with power.

Mix current events with platitudes of empowerment.
Wrap up in rhyme or rhyme it up in rap until it sounds true.

Glare until it sinks in.

Because somewhere in Florida, votes are still being counted.
I said somewhere in Florida, votes are still being counted!

See, that's the Hook, and you gotta' have a Hook.
More than the look, it's the hook that is the most important part.
The hook has to hit and the hook's gotta fit.
Hook's gotta hit hard in the heart.

Because somewhere in Florida, votes are still being counted.

And Dick Cheney is peeing all over himself in spasmodic delight.
Make fun of politicians, it's easy, especially with Republicans
like Rudy Giuliani, Colin Powell, and . . . Al Gore.
Create fatuous juxtapositions of personalities and political philosophies
as if communism were the opposite of democracy,
as if we needed Darth Vader, not Ralph Nader.

Peep this: When I say "Call,"
you all say, "Response."

Call! Response! Call! Response! Call!

Amazing Grace, how sweet the—

Stop in the middle of a song that everyone knows and loves.
This will give your poem a sense of urgency.
Because there is always a sense of urgency in a political poem.
There is no time to waste!
Corruption doesn't have a curfew,
greed doesn't care what color you are
and the New York City Police Department
is filled with people who wear guns on their hips
and carry metal badges pinned over their hearts.
Injustice isn't injustice it's just in us as we are just in ice.
That's the only alienation of this alien nation
in which you either fight for freedom
or else you are free and dumb!

And even as I say this somewhere in Florida, votes are still being counted.

And it makes me wanna beat box!

Because I have seen the disintegration of gentrification
and can speak with great articulation
about cosmic constellations, and atomic radiation.
I've seen D. W. Griffith's Birth of a Nation
but preferred 101 Dalmations.
Like a cross examination, I will give you the explanation
of why SlamNation is the ultimate manifestation
of poetic masturbation and egotistical ejaculation.

And maybe they are still counting votes somewhere in Florida,
but by the time you get to the end of the poem it won't matter anymore.

Because all you have to do is close your eyes,
lower your voice, and end by saying:

the same line three times,
the same line three times,
the same line three times.

Wipe dem Moslims - I mean, monsters.

 It's a meticulous Tuesday afternoon. The birds chirp to the Star Spangled Banner, the trees wave the sound of independence, and Fox news do their thing, being as sassy as possible. What kind of compelling idea does Fox News plan to present to the fear-mongering red side of America this marvelous day? Could be a two hour rant about how Obama isn't white? Or perhaps some vicarious report regarding an America that's becoming more socialist by the minute and an interview with some random upper class man arguing how messing with his healthcare will somehow prevent his children from having a beach house in California? Nope; it's actually about Fox's favorite subject: "them Moslims"

 Apparently (And by all means, TRUE), our hero of the daily news, totally not biased, has been reporting how difficult and soul-consuming it is for teachers throughout the land of the free to educate their students about 9/11 and the "Moslim World". 

So, in the vain of all this chaos that's been strangely lasting 10 years now, we still seem to struggle with not associating the "terror attacks" with the entire Arabic Peninsula. 

And while some teachers have been reportedly describing the entire Muslim ideology and their members, including the coordinators of the attacks, as Monsters, others chronicle how traumatic it is to explain in detail the events prior, during, and following 9/11. 

So, cutting all the political bandwagon, I'm yet to understand how easy has been for educators to read their students stories about the good ol' crusades, the inquisition, the Holocaust, the Munich Massacre, the Vietnam War, The Iran-Contra affair, the U.S occupation and exploitation of Latin American Countries, the Monroe Doctrine and the Roosevelt Corollary, and, finally, the conflict in the Middle East without holding and inflicting any cultural bias about Christianity and the American world in general to these Elementary School Students. It turns out, this subject is "too scary" to touch. 

You know what? Maybe I'm just crazy. And maybe Sarah Palin is a sharp cookie. Maybe Fox News is a legitimate medium whose purpose isn't to monger fear among us, but a wake call telling us we're never gonna get over it for the better of a free America.

Maybe a foreigner shouldn't stick his nose where it doesn't belong. Just sayin'.

Compelling Humor and First World Problems: Monty Python's Flying Congress.

 In the midst of current events, and certainly in the stupidity of an entire political entity, I've been finding myself resourcing to the comedic talents of George Carlin and Louis C.K in order to not let my useless, foreign anger mix with divergent feelings of social anxiety and moral dilemmas, which, by the way, make me question the integrity of the country I've been living for the last month.

But what really keeps me motivated to not believe that there is no hope for humanity, let alone a population consumed by mainstream ignorance, is the surreal genius of the Monty Python's Flying Circus crew.

The Pythons have deliberately “sabotaged” the way I think of the modern world; I have, too, applied a vast range of the Python's best sketches to current-day struggles. And by “struggles” I mean three CEO's deciding whether to get an estate in Aspen, an one million dollar toilet, or a brand new wife.

So, while contrasting the most hilarious bits of the Flying Circus with these “first world problems”, I encountered myself fond of a particular sketch to apply to the American Debt Ceiling Crisis and almost any failure at reaching a compromise to satisfy a common goal: The “Spam” sketch.

If you are not familiar with the sketch, here's a nifty YouTube link: 

Indeed, my socially awkward friends; The Spam sketch is the manifestation of everyday politics in a nutshell. This is where it gets good – when we start imagine the structure of Congress to the picture of that amazing skit.

Note to the reader: Comparing the genius of the Pythons with the mediocrity of Congressmen makes me die a little inside...

...But I digress.

Just imagine Obama shouting out the possible ways of resolving the conflict while John Boehner, dressed as a creepy old woman, rejects every single option from the menu. Meanwhile, the “supercommittee” abruptly interrupts Boehner with a pretty catchy song that goes, “debt, debt, debt, we love debts”.

So, yeah. I basically rely in surreality, randomness, and political idiocy to develop a pretty strange sense of humor.

Let the talent of the Pythons fill your angst with glee.